Tag Archive: foster care


Nine years later? Really? Adoption is not a refundable process and yet, people do it.

My guess is that the boy’s current behaviors are not new. And even if they are escalating, that is no reason to give him back. And where is back? Where is this child supposed to go? Presumably, he was adopted (as an infant by the Coxes), because his birth family was unable to care for him. Now, his family, the only one he knows, is abandoning him during his time of need.

Though the article mentions the availability of post adoption services in the Coxes area, no one knows if they took advantage of those resources. Sadly, it’s too late for this family, but hopefully other adoptive families in crisis will seek help.

In the Los Angeles area, contact PAS – Post Adoption Services at (800) 735-4984. “Adoption is a life-long process and as such, the needs of children and their families do not end when an adoption is finalized. The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) Adoption Division is a resource for ongoing information and services related to adoption. DCFS Adoptions Division created a specialized unit to provide services and support to adoption triad members (adoptive parent, adoptee, birthparent) after adoption finalization occurs. The Post Adoption Services (PAS) Unit has grown over the years to meet the ongoing needs of individuals who have participated in an adoption through Los Angeles County DCFS.” (http://dcfs.co.la.ca.us/adoptions/postadoption.html)

“Adoption is certainly about gain, but it’s also about loss, at its core,” says Jeanne Howard, policy and research director at the Donaldson Institute and director of the Center for Adoption Studies at the Illinois State University School of Social Work. “So for this child to then have a second loss is the potential for him to have a pretty profound wound.”

via Will Couple Be Jailed for Returning Adopted Son After Nine Years? | Parenting – Yahoo Shine.

The decision to have an open or closed adoption is very tricky for adoptive parents. Opting for a closed adoption means that your child will have no contact with his birth parents or siblings. This has its advantages when the child is from another part of the world, a different state or if the birth family is transient. The downside is that a closed adoption can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation – huge emotions for children and teens. For those who are open to sharing photographs or birthday parties with their child’s biological families, the child may gain a sense of place. This, however, may not be enough and he may want to meet them. What to do? There is no right or wrong answer. Each family dynamic is unique and the adoptive parents must base their decision on what is best for their child at that moment. And even when you think you know best, life may intervene to unite siblings, as was the case in Washington, D.C. in February.

Sisters, separated for 17 years, find each other at high school track meet

via Sisters, Separated 17 Years Ago, Find Each Other – Message Place – GoDuBois Message Forum.

Thanks to a sleuthing social worker, I am in possession of an early photo of my son. Methinks he is three, maybe, two months old. I am grateful to have it, as it is the oldest record I have of his newborn eyes, nose and hands.

Older foster children and those who age out of the system typically are not in possession of baby pictures, report cards or teeth rescued by the tooth fairy. Sometimes the foster parent is too busy with day-to-day stuff or the child’s stay in their home is brief or in the roulette of multiple moves, personal belongings get lost. Either way, the lack of such meaningful items leaves a hole in his or her-story. Pictures, I might add, are proof positive that a child wasn’t born at age 7.

Luckily an adoptive mom and photographer got the memo and sent photo announcements of her newborn 12 year old son. Though he came into her family’s life with nary a picture, she has made sure that going forward, his milestones will be well documented.

“Here’s my sweet not so little newborn! His name is Latrell and weighs 112 lbs.,” his mom Kelli Higgins proudly announced on Facebook, where the boy’s simple wish created an online sensation.

via "But I have promises to keep…" | eyan-j: marfmellow: Adoptive mom’s ‘newborn’….

The silencing of the county

The phone calls will stop if I return the Resource Family Home Profile.

I don’t know why it is taking me so long to complete less than half a page. I have no desire to be a foster parent. Being a foster parent means remembering that the placement is temporary. Fostering means knowing that in a day or week or month the child(ren) in my care will leave for destinations unknown. Plus, I get attached too easily and don’t know how my son will respond to kids coming in and out of our home. And yet, the calls with tales of the 21-days old African American boy or six-weeks old baby boy in need of immediate shelter are tempting.

Sometimes I dreams about my next child and feel haunted by the calls. Is the universe trying to send me another precious gift to love and possibly adopt? Should I say “yes”, rather than pause before eeking out a pitiful “no”? After disconnecting the call, I feel bad. I think: may be I could put a crib in my room, make arrangements to take the baby to work with me or get an older child and skip the diaper/teething stages altogether. May be.

May be I am in the midst of the mommie jones matrix and my judgment is compromised. Not known for being especially practical, I do have moments of clarity. This is one of those moments, ’cause I don’t have space for another baby, extra money for daycare or additional time to do any more than I already do in the allotted hours of each day. Saved by prudence, I push my reluctance aside, write I do not wish to participate as a foster parent, seal the envelope and personally serve the postman.

Though my hand written explanation feels contrary to my mission of familial expansion, it is a necessary decision.

©2010

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